Leader’s Notes:
In this session we are journeying through Loss and Lament. Again, we will use David’s story as a way into our own stories. When sharing about loss, remember to emphasize that loss isn’t just the death of a loved one. We experience other deep losses, and whatever the loss, we will need to lament or grieve it.
Like many sessions, we invite you to share a personal story of loss and lament in your own life. Take time to pray about what story to share with the group. Make sure it’s a story you’re comfortable for others to know, and one you feel ready to speak about publicly. If you don’t have one because it’s too new or raw for yourself, maybe just let the group know that. Again, be prayerful as you decide!
In the Reflection Action we invite people to write their own lament. As the leader, we encourage you to write one beforehand and (again, only if appropriate), be ready to share it with the group during the discussion time. While people are writing, be praying! Remember, God wants to meet each person in their moment of vulnerability as they explore loss, grief and lament. As the leader, it is important that you are sensitive to the information shared, and ensure a safe environment for people to be vulnerable with one another.
Welcome
Welcome to our session together.
Does anyone have reflections or new thoughts to share about our last time together?
Note: watch your time. You may only have time for 2 answers
In this session, we are going to talk about Loss and Lament, exploring the loss and lament David experienced.
Breath Prayer
As we move into our time together, we’re going to take a moment to release the day and centre ourselves in the Eternal through breath prayer.
Today we’re going to learn another breath prayer, called Shepherd, Guide Me.
Note: Demonstrate the prayer before starting.
As we breathe, I invite you to let go of your day. Release it. Feel your breath going into your lungs and then out. We’re going to breathe together for one minute. If closing your eyes is helpful, you can do that now.
Take 30 seconds for just breathing and then start Shepherd, Guide Me breath prayer.
Note: If appropriate close with a prayer. Go right into poem.
Poem
When I Was Brought Low
I love the Lord for he heard my voice.
He heard my cry for mercy because he turned his ear to me.
I will call on him as long as I live.
I will call on him as long as I live.
The chords of death and tangled me the anguish of the grave came over.
I was overcome by distress and despair,
And then I called on your name to save me.
Then I called on your name, Lord save me.
The Lord is gracious and righteous.
Our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the weary.
I was brought low.
He saved me.
For the Lord has delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, feet from the fall.
And I may walk before the Lord, before the Lord in this world I tread, In the presence of his people.
The Lord is gracious and righteous.
Our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the weary.
I was brought low.
He saved me.
Mike Janzen (21st Century).
Introduction
Loss is an inevitable part of life. Often, we associate loss with death. However, loss expands beyond death of someone we love. We can lose a hope, a dream, an identity, a relationship. In response to loss, we grieve. Grief is a natural response to, and expression of loss, whether the loss was expected or unexpected. Here are some examples of types of losses and griefs:
- Non-death loss – Anything! (e.g. a dream, an idea, an identity)
- Secondary loss – A loss that occurs immediately after a loss (e.g. After a major move, there might be a loss of financial stability, etc.).
- Sudden loss – When a loss occurs without warning (e.g. A car accident)
- Ambiguous loss – An intangible loss that is often not really acknowledged (e.g. a family member moving away, a child being put up for adoption, etc.)
- Disenfranchised loss – When a loss isn’t validated or recognized (e.g. abortion, suicide, loss of David’s son with Bathsheba due to nature of the pregnancy)
- Cumulative loss- Multiple losses all at once (e.g. a major move would come with the loss of friends, community, etc.)
- Non-finite grief – When a “loss” does not necessarily end and is typically something out of our control (e.g. the dream of having a child or family)
- Anticipatory grief- The anticipation of a loss (e.g. when a loved one has a terminal or degenerative disease and is declining)
- Complicated grief- When the grieving process becomes stalled.
David experiences much grief throughout his life. He expresses how he feels and what he thinks about loss through lamentations, which are an expression of grief and sorrow.
The Psalms are full of lamentations. David expresses everything from anger and disappointment to devastation and confusion in the light of things or people he has lost. What is crucial to notice is that David directs these responses of loss to the divine rather than to his own mind and memory—he brings it all with honesty and transparency to the Eternal, and he does not hold back his complaints and anguish.
If you can, share a personal story of loss and/or lament from your own life, and how the Eternal met you in it.
Film Scene
Watch film clip 7.1 – Loss & Lament
Film Reflection
Reflect on the scenes you just watched, what did you notice about how David responded?
How did the other creative elements you’ve experienced make you feel?
Psalm & Psalm Microfilm
Today we will reflect on Psalm 31 and Psalm 6. As I read the Psalms, allow yourself to hear and experience the words.
Read Psalm 31:1-5
O Eternal One, don’t punish me in Your anger
or harshly correct me.
2 Show me grace, Eternal God. I am completely undone.
Bring me back together, Eternal One. Mend my shattered bones.
3 My soul is drowning in darkness.
How long can You, the Eternal, let things go on like this?
4 Come back, Eternal One, and lead me to Your saving light.
Rescue me because I know You are truly compassionate.
5 I’m alive for a reason—I can’t worship You if I’m dead.
If I’m six feet under, how can I thank You?
Read Psalm 6:6
I’m exhausted. I cannot even speak, my voice fading as sighs.
Every day ends in the same place—lying in bed, covered in tears,
my pillow wet with sorrow.
Reflection
Are there any words or phrases from these Psalms that resonate with you?
Can you share them out loud? What do you need to lament in your life?
Action Reflection
Take the next 10 minutes and write your own lament. Remember that your griefs and losses are real and they matter. Nothing is too small to express to God.
This lament doesn’t have to be flashy, dramatic or poetic. It doesn’t even have to make sense! Just write as you feel led.
Note: People may want to spread out. If you have the space, invite people to find a spot to write. Or even go outside if appropriate.
Is there anyone who would like to share a bit of your lament, or share about the loss that you identified? We will take a moment for you to consider whether you’d like to share.
Note: Allow there to be silence. There may be people who want to share but are looking for the right words. Depending on the group, you may have no one share, or you may have one person or more want to share. Make sure to watch your time if you have more than two people who want to share their loss and lament.
Closing Thought
We live in a world where there is a continual emphasis on gain, on material security, economic growth, personal wellbeing, achievement and success. But the story of our lives – every one of us – is full of loss, and the painful process of letting go. The honest spiritual journey will always acknowledge loss and make room for lament.
Closing Poem
Lead kindly light, amid the encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on.
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on.
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene – one step enough for me.
John Henry Newman (19th Century).
Does the road wind up-hill all the way?
Yes, to the very end.
Will the day’s journey take the whole long day?
From morn to night, my friend.
Christina Rosetti (19th Century).
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
T.S. Eliot (20th Century).
Closing Prayer
Give thanks that every loss matters to the Eternal. Pray that we will have the courage to be honest about our own loss and lamentations, and to create communities where we can share in the sorrows along with the joys.
Thank everyone for being willing to journey with you.